Broken Pieces
by Lyrical.Laughter
Summary: Natalie has forgotten the last two years of her life, including being a Buchannan, can Cristian help pick up the broken pieces? Finished
1. Broken

"Ahhhhhggggg!" said Natalie throwing a vase across the room and watching it explode in an array of water, glass, and flowers. She looked down at the broken pieces and started to laugh, it wasn't a normal laugh, it was more like a laugh from someone teetering on the edge of insanity. Someone who had gained all she had ever dreamed of but lost everything she knew. Before her life made sense, she new her place, how she was supposed to be, how to act, now she felt in limbo, she wasn't good enough to be a Buchanan but she was to good to go back to being Natalie nobody. That's who she was though, a nobody, nobody loved her, no one cared if she was sad or hurt, no one cared!  
She looked around the guest room, this wasn't HER room, this was a STRANGERS room. She picked up a small figurine of a cat, looking at it she flung it into the mirror hanging on the wall and watched them both shatter and fall to the ground. "That was for you Roxy."  
She picked up a feather pillow. "This is for all the men who looked at me when I was a little girl sitting in the corners of those trashy casinos!" She said banging the pillow against the corner of the dresser until feather exploded sending whiteness floating down around her.  
She started to pace and talk to herself. "I was never allowed to play in the snow, even when we visited Michigan where 'aunt Mary' lived. I never had a proper winter coat, no mittens or a hat, my shoes had holes in them and it's all Jessica's fault. Jessica who grew up wearing fur-lined coats, designer shoes and matching hats and gloves. Jessica who had three meals a day, Jessica who lived in a warm house with people who read her stories and asked how her days were. A mother, brothers, a dad, her life is so perfect it makes me sick!!" she screamed.   
She took her wooden chair, the one that matched perfectly with her desk. "This is for going to bed hungry when you were passed out drunk!" The chair hit the wall and she delighted in the sound it made wishing it was Roxy standing there.  
She took the sheets off of the bed and threw them. "This is for abandoning me, Seth!" she said using all of her strength to pull the mattresses off of the bed.   
"Neither of them wanted me, they wanted her, Viki didn't love me enough to find me, Jessica was better, sweeter, pretty, quieter. It's not fair!" She took her arm and swept it across the night stand, a glass crashed to the floor and shattered sending water and glass everywhere. A lamp fell and crashed to the floor. She went to her dresser and pulled the drawers out tossing her clothes everywhere.  
Her energy spent she collapsed in the middle of the destruction zone crying. This was her LIFE.  
She saw Roxy taunting her, Seth telling her it was over, Viki telling her she would never have the love of the family. She was all alone and she deserved to be.  
Hot tears ran down her cheeks and her breath caught in her throat as her sobs became louder. She wanted a mother who loved her, she wanted a family. Through her tears she looked around the room, it symbolized her life, it was nothing but a broken mess. She pulled her knees up to her chin, closed her eyes and rocked back and forth, something she had done when she was upset since she was little.  
All of a sudden she started as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Viki, her mother looking down at her. 


	2. Pity

Thanks much to those who reviewed, you've got your wish, I've decided to make this into a full fledged fanfic so look for more chapters soon.   
I would like to extend a very special thank you to:  
Andrea  
Mystic queen  
Ying  
Kaylia  
Sweet Audrina  
Ice Blink  
and Jen Sulzer   
A quick note: This takes place a day or so after Al's accident and I couldn't remember if Natalie and Cristian had met before then so I made them meet for the first time here. 

Natalie angrily wiped at her tears. "What do you want?" she asked putting on the façade that had become all too familiar.  
"What is all of this?" Viki asked, her arm indicating the room.  
"Nothing, I just got a little upset, it is my room."  
"Yes it is." She paused. "Come with me."  
"What?"  
"I want to talk to you." She said leaving the room.  
Natalie debated upon following and decided she might as well. She got up and found Viki in the living room.  
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked cautiously.  
"You."  
"Me?"  
"Yes, You, if you are going to live in this house we can't have you destroying your room" "I know, it won't happen again, I promise, I was just upset."  
"That's the problem, you can't just destroy something because you've had a bad day, do you want to tell me why you did it?"  
"I was just angry, I usually don't go off like that, it just all became to much for me to handle, I'm okay now."  
"Well I should hope so, Natalie, you know that you can always talk to me, about anything." "I know," said Natalie smiling as she let down her guard, it felt good, so good to feel like someone cared about her, really cared, and before she could stop herself she reached over and hugged Viki. 'I'm so glad that you're my mother,' she wanted to say, but she couldn't get up the courage to utter the words.  
"Do you mind if I go out? There's someone I need to talk to."  
"Go ahead, don't stay out to late though."  
"I won't," Natalie said with a genuine smile, someone really cared. 

She walked into Break Bar and saw Seth and she saw him cringe as he saw her. He _ cringed_. She took a deep breath, she wasn't going to cry just because dumb old Seth didn't like her anymore, no way, but, maybe, just maybe he really did love her, as much as she still loved him.  
"I need to talk to you," she said going up to the bar and sitting down on a stool.  
"I have to work," he said and as if making a point he started to wash the counter.  
"This won't take long, five minutes, tops."  
"Fine, I'm taking a break," he told Chad, who nodded his permission.  
They went outside and Natalie rubbed her arms in the cold night air.  
"Why do you love her more than me?" she finally asked.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You know what I'm talking about, Seth, Jessica."  
"This conversation is over-,"  
"I need to know why I'm not good enough for you anymore, why don't I matter? You loved me, you can't say that you didn't," she said in an accusing tone.  
"That's in the past."   
"Not for me it isn't, I love you Seth, I swear I'll be nice to Jessica and every one else if you just tell me you love me too," she said in an almost begging tone.  
"I can't because I'd be lying to you, I can barely stand to be in the same room with you after what you did to Jessica, let alone love you, get over it, we are over, for good." Natalie watched as he retreated back inside. She felt stupid, rejected, pitiful. She pushed her hair away from her face and turned around to walk back to her car when she smacked into someone. She felt strong arms grab her arms to steady her and then she looked up into warm brown eyes, but then they changed.  
"Oh, it's you."  
She recognized him although she had never personally met him, Cristian Vega, Jessica's friend, and Seth's but even more she recognized the familiar tone he used, it was disgust, dislike and she was getting all to use to it. She looked at him, he looked nice enough but of course no one would ever think about being nice to Natalie Balsom the girl who had ruined Jessica's life. Jessica, Jessica, Jessica, no one cared about _ her _ except for Viki and she still loved Jessica more.  
"Are you okay?"  
Suddenly Natalie was angry, she was angry at Cristian, at Jessica, at Seth but most of all herself for being such a fool and falling for him.  
"Get away from me!" she yelled as she ran to her car, she was so tired of being second best, of not being good enough for anyone, and the only person she had been good enough for never wanted to see her again.  
She slammed her car door shut and pounded on the steering wheel, Seth should love her, why didn't he? She looked over startled as the passenger door opened and shut and for a moment, in the darkness, she thought it was Seth.  
Instantly her hopes were dashed. "Get out of my car," she growled.  
"You are in no condition to drive."  
"You don't even know me! You have no idea _ what _ condition I'm in!"  
"Give me the keys, I'll drive you home," said Cristian holding out his hand.  
"I don't need you to do anything for me! Just leave me alone!"  
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, I just have a lot on my mind, let me drive you home."  
"I'm fine, really, I'm okay. Leave."  
"Why don't you just come up to my apartment for a moment and calm down-,"  
"I told you I'm fine! Why is everyone always harping at me? I am so tired of it." She was tired, so tired of trying to hold the broken pieces of her heart together, trying to pretend that Seth didn't matter, she was exhausted.   
She thought she had released most of her tears when she'd 'rearranged' her room not more than an hour ago but suddenly the tears came again and she was thankful that her hair hid them from Cristian's eyes, at least she thought that it had. She felt him gently turn her face toward him and she prayed that her humiliation would end, how many times could she cry in one night? She closed her eyes, willing the tears, no begging them, to go away, to retreat back into her mind where only she could see them. She opened her eyes as his thumb brushed away a tear and she wished she hadn't, she wished she didn't see the pity in his face, but she did, and she was angry all over again. She turned her head and looked out her window, watching as the street lights blurred as more tears threatened to fall. No matter how strong she tried to be she always ended up weak.   
"Come on, just five minutes."  
Natalie continued looking out the window as it started to snow. She hated driving in the snow, and she was upset, although she recoiled at the thought of letting him know that, but she had a feeling that he already knew.  
"Okay," she said opening the door as the snow seemed to gather around her like a cloak. She quickly wiped at her eyes. She wouldn't let Seth see her upset.   
"Why don't we go up the back way?" Cristian suggested and Natalie was silently grateful. 

Cristian opened the door and turned on the light.   
"So, where's Jen?" asked Natalie as she walked into the loft.  
"With Al, at the hospital."  
"Oh, yeah, Viki told me about that earlier, is he going to be okay?"  
"They don't know if he'll ever be able to walk again."  
"Sorry," said Natalie sitting on the couch.  
"So what's wrong with you?" he asked sitting next to her.  
"Believe me you don't want to know."  
"Yeah, I do, maybe it'd keep my mind off of things."  
"Seth doesn't love me anymore," she said making her voice as matter-as-fact as possible, there was something about saying it out loud that made it all the more real and she had to bite her trembling lip, this was not where she wanted the conversation to go.  
"Do you want something to drink?" he asked breaking the silence.  
"No, thank you," she said staring down at her hands, she hated being pitied, he was only being nice to her because he felt sorry for her, no one really cared, how could they, she was pitiful, even if she was loathe to admit it.  
"I'll make us some tea and then you can go home," he said getting up.  
Natalie layed her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. Her life was like a nightmare, nothing was going how it was supposed to. She was supposed to be rich and happy, with Seth at her side, getting all the wealth and power that was denied her her whole life, but instead she was alone. If only she wasn't alone anymore. She yawned wishing everything would go back to normal, for once in her life she wished she was still poor ol' Natalie Balsom, then she had knew her place, she had belonged...somewhere. She yawned again, feeling her body relax and after a moment she drifted to sleep.  
"Here's your...tea," the sentence trailed off as he saw she was sleeping. He sat the tea down and covered her up with a blanket, she looked like she needed the sleep and he knew Jen wouldn't be coming home anytime soon, not when Al needed her. He tried to tell himself that Al needed her more than he did but that didn't make the ache for her go away, first she was pregnant and then she wasn't, she had slept with Al, he'd almost killed him, his emotions had been a whirlpool the last few days and he wondered if his head would ever stop spinning. He sat down with a sigh and closed his eyes, wishing Jen was there with him. 


	3. Comfort

Natalie yawned and stretched snuggling closer to the warm body next to her. She knew Seth loved her. Knew it all along. He was so warm and comforting, just like he'd always been, she was safe with him, he was her constant, always there, never wavering. She remembered all of those times long ago when she had fallen asleep in his strong arms. She would wake up in the middle of the night, just to touch his face, make sure he was real, that she was loved. She opened her eyes and stared up at him... and her heart broke as everything came back to her with astonishing clarity.   
She sat up, away from the sleeping face of a guy who wasn't Seth.  
Natalie sighed and ran her fingers through her tangled hair, how was she ever going to get over Seth? When would she stop waking up in the middle of the night reaching for him only to find her bed empty? When something good or bad happened how would she resist dialing his number to tell him? When would she stop loving him, stop hurting?  
Before she could stop herself warm tears were making their way down her cheeks and she hated herself for being so weak. Every thing she had ever thought about Seth was wrong, he didn't love her, not as much as he had always claimed, he had lied to her. She thought of those warm brown eyes and that gentle smile and her tears flowed faster.  
Suddenly a warm arm encircled her and she yearned for the comfort, for the warmth it offered, she yearned for the words of comfort whispered into her hair and she longed for someone she could pour her heart out to, and in the early hours of that winter morning Cristian Vega became that person. 

Natalie took a drink from the mug of hot chocolate she held between her hands. The tears had ceased and her nose had stopped running, though she new it was still red. She hated women who could cry without a red nose and swollen eyes, but she wished she was one of them. She watched as a marshmallow floated amidst the steamy brown liquid. Surprisingly she was starting to feel better as she bared her soul to this person who was practically a stranger to her, and one of Jessica's best friends.  
"-so Seth fell in love with Jessica and now he can't stand looking at me," she finished, snuggling deeper under the warm blanket that enveloped her. She could hear the wind as it howled outside and it made her feel all the more safer, with her large blanket and steaming hot drink, and in the last hour, a person who had become her friend.  
"Your love for Seth isn't going to go away anytime soon, believe me, it'll take time to get over him but soon you'll think about him less and less and then you'll find someone else, someone who can love you with all of their heart, the way you deserve to be loved."  
"Yeah," scoffed Natalie. "and then I'll get my heart broken all over again."  
"You can't think of it that way."  
"Well look at you and Jen...sorry," Natalie apologized knowing that she was treading on a sore subject.  
"Jen is where she's supposed to be, with Al."  
"How can you say that? I know you love her and you can't just let something like that go, and I know that she loves you too, I know how much you went through to be together and now you're telling me that you don't even care?"  
"That doesn't matter any more, the only thing that matters is that Al gets better and until that happens Jen and I have to stay apart, that's all there is to it," he said clearly ending that aspect of the conversation.  
"I should get home," said Natalie reluctantly leaving the warmth of the blanket.  
"Are you sure? I can drive you home."  
"I'll be fine, thanks for everything Cristian." She said giving him a hug, besides Seth she had never had a real friend and she had to admit she liked it.  
"No problem, maybe we can hang out later." He said handing Natalie her coat.  
"That'd be great, I'll see you later." 

Natalie walked across the icy parking lot towards her car and she had to stop herself from falling on the ice more than once. She got into her car and turned it on waiting for the heater to warm it up. She felt as if a burden had been lifted from her soul, she still ached for Seth but somehow she felt better about the future, it didn't look half as gloomy, and even if it was, now she had a friend to share it with. 

She pulled away from Break Bar and onto the road, she decided to take the long way home so she could look out into the beautiful night. The stars were out and the clouds were gone, the snow had stopped falling and it cast a quiet calm over everything which made everything all the more louder when her breaks screeched on a slippery road as she lost control of the wheel. It took her a moment to comprehend what was happening and before she could even scream, her car went over an embankment, and then all went black. 


	4. Memories

Natalie shivered and tried to stop her teeth from chattering. She wondered why she was laying in the snow but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes.   
All of a sudden she felt warm and she saw Seth, Seth who didn't love her anymore. He had, a long time ago, she remembered how kind and loving he had been that first night that they had met.   
"Thanks for the coffee and the doughnut."   
"It's the least I could do, you did find drivers license after all. You looked like you were making yourself comfortable on that bench, are you homeless?"   
Natalie laughed. "For the next couple days and then I'll go back."   
"Back where?"   
"To my Mother's, I use that term loosely. She kicks me out about once a month just to see if I'll come back."   
"You can come stay with me in my apartment if you want."   
Natalie angrily got up. "Thanks but no thanks, I'm not that kind of girl, I'm not going to sleep with you-,"   
"Sleep with me? I just meant that you could stay, no strings attached."   
"Really?" she said skeptically raising an eyebrow.   
"Yeah, I don't want anything from you, believe me."   
"Okay, but if you try anything I'll leave, but not after I castrate you."   
"That's fine with me," He said smiling and she smiled back.   
He drove her back to his little apartment and she was thankful for the warmth. She made her self at home on the couch while he slept in the bed. She couldn't sleep so she just stayed up and listened to the sounds of Seth breathing, the buzzing sound the refrigerator made and the sounds outside. Then she started to feel hot so she cast off the blanket that he had given her but it was still hot. Then her stomach started to hurt and she had just made it to the bathroom when her stomach decided to empty itself of it's contents.   
She sat down on the cool floor and wiped sweat off of her forehead. This was just what she needed, to get sick in a strangers house.   
She must have fallen asleep on the floor because when she woke up Seth was standing over her looking concerned.   
"Are you okay?"   
"Yeah, I'm fine," said Natalie standing up and discovering she wasn't as fine as she thought.   
She stepped back as Seth's hand came towards her. "Don't worry, I just want to feel your forehead."   
Natalie let him, Roxy never cared if she was sick so as long as she didn't puke on the furniture.   
"You have a fever. Here, you should lay down," he said leading her over to his bed where he tucked her in.   
"I'm fine, you don't need to look after me."   
He ignored her as he went into the bathroom and came back with some medicine.   
"Take this, it'll help you feel better."   
Natalie took the pills and the proffered glass of water and downed them. "Thanks, now I can go."   
"Go where?"   
"The park or the bus station or something, I'll find somewhere else to stay tonight."   
"Not until you feel better you won't. Just rest today and see how you feel tomorrow."   
"Okay, but you better not try anything funny."   
"I won't, I promise."   
She snuggled under the covers wishing that her stomach ache would go away so she could leave, it wasn't that she didn't like it here, or this Seth guy, but she wanted to be home, around the familiar things that she was so use to.   
Ten minutes later Seth came back into the room carrying a bowl of something hot.   
"What is that?" asked Natalie sitting up.   
"I made you chicken noodle soup."   
Natalie raised an eyebrow. "You made me soup?"   
"Well it was from a can, you need to eat something anyway."   
"Thanks," said Natalie smiling, and meaning it.   
"Seth," Natalie whispered through lips that were blue with cold. "Seth, where are you?" 


	5. Voices

Cristian was driving to the hospital to see if Al had made any progress around one in the afternoon when he drove by a rode and saw skid marks in the snow. Something made Cristian stop his car and when he looked down he saw that there was a steep drop and then he saw a car and a body laying next to it. He searched for his cell-phone and cursed himself when he realized he had left it at home. He wasted no time making his way down the hill. He immediately went to the person sprawled out in the snow and through a mass of red hair and blood he saw Natalie.   
"Natalie! NATALIE! Wake up!" he yelled seeing the blue cast to her skin and lips as he lightly tapped her cheeks to get a response from her..   
"Seth? I knew you...you won't leave, love me?" she mumbled her eyes still closed..   
"Thank God you're alive. He have to get you to the hospital. Natalie, can you hear me?" she made no response. .   
"Natalie?" he asked leaning over her to see if she was breathing, and she wasn't..   
His heart dropped to his stomach and panic momentarily paralyzed him. He took a deep breath and remembered that he had to get her to breath. He put his mouth over hers and blew air into her lifeless body, he checked again and again as he kept breathing for her to keep her alive. Finally she gave a weak a cough and he said a silent prayer to God, thanking him. Cristian knew that he shouldn't move her but he had to get her to the hospital as fast as he could so he scooped her up and carried her to his car. He put her into the back seat and covered her up with a blanket he kept in the back. Opening the trunk he found another blanket and he used his coat for more warmth. He turned on the heater as high as it would go and he pushed on the break. .   
He drove to the hospital and hoped that she would still be alive by the time he got there. "Natalie, can you hear me?" he asked as they stopped at a red light. "Natalie, try to wake up please," he said reaching back and shaking her. 

She couldn't move, everything seemed slow in her mind, she heard a voice but it wasn't Seth's, she tried to place it and cursed her brain for being so slow, she knew that voice, soft, gentle, but urgent. She tried to concentrate on the words but they escaped her, all she knew was that it was a beautiful voice. Cristian, that name floated around in her head, that's who it was, her friend, maybe the only one she ever had, but something was wrong, she could hear it in his voice, his soft, kind voice. She was still so cold, she wanted to listen to his voice and just go to sleep, and be warm, and see Seth, that was all she wanted..   
"Natalie!".   
Her name went through her head like a knife, and it roused her awake. She tried to make her mouth move to form words but she couldn't, nothing came out..   
Warm arms wrapped around her and she basked in the comfort of his arms, she could hear his heart beating as he held her against his chest. He smelled wonderful and she breathed in the comforting scent, but then his closeness was gone and she was alone. "Cristian," she made herself say. 

Cristian ran carrying Natalie through the hospital doors. "My friend needs help, now," he said to the nearest doctor which happened to be Troy MacIver..   
"I need a gurney!" said Troy rushing to Natalie's aid..   
"Do you know what happened?" asked Troy checking for a pulse and finding a faint one..   
"I found her car off the road, she was laying in the snow, is she going to be okay?" he asked laying her on a gurney. .   
"Cristian,".   
He heard her whisper and bent down so he could her hear her, she whispered his name again..   
"It's okay, I'm here, you're at the hospital, they'll take care of you, I promise.".   
"Don't...leave.".   
"I won't, I promise," he said taking her freezing hand in his own. .   
"Do you know how long she was outside?" asked Troy as he lifted Natalie's eyelids and checked them with a light..   
Cristian tried to remember when she had left his apartment, it had been around 5 or six, if only she would have let him drive her. "Maybe eight hours, I don't know. She stopped breathing when I found her, but she's going to be okay now, right?" he asked as he followed them into the emergency room doors where they wouldn't let him go any farther..   
"I promised I wouldn't leave her!".   
"I'm sorry, it's hospital policy, you can see her as soon as we're done.".   
Cristian called Ben and Viki and then he sat down in the waiting room with his head between his hands. He had been so stupid, he shouldn't have let her leave so early, he should have driven her home, he knew she had been upset, he was so stupid, if she died it would be all of his fault, in three weeks he was responsible for two people ending up in the hospital, what was wrong with him? 


	6. Warmth

"Where's Natalie?" asked Viki rushing into the hospital.   
"They took her to the ER, I don't know if she's okay," said Cristian pacing.   
"I'm going to go see if there is anything I can do to help," said Ben leaving.   
"I don't understand how this could have happened," said Viki sitting down.   
"It was my fault," said Cristian guiltily.   
"Your fault? How so?"   
"I found her at Break Bar and she was upset, we went up to my loft and talked and I knew she was still upset about Seth but I let her leave anyway. I should have driven her home," he said miserably.   
"If that's why you're responsible then I must share as much blame. She was very upset yesterday evening, more so than I've ever seen her and I let her leave also."   
"But Mrs. Davidson-," Cristian started to protest when Ben came out.   
"How is she?" asked Viki.   
"Troy thinks that she's going to make it, she has a concussion and hypothermia but it's still to early to know if any damage has been done. Just thank God that you found her before it was worse," he said to Cristian. "Thank you."   
"When can I see her?" asked Viki.   
"Soon, they're still finishing up some tests. She's going to be okay." 

Cristian drank some coffee and tried to keep his eyes open, he wanted to be there when Natalie woke up. He didn't know what it was about her but something drew him to her. He felt like he really knew who she was.   
"Cristian, why don't you go home and get some rest? We can call you if there's any change."   
"No, Mrs. Davidson. I want to stay here and make sure she's okay." His cell phone rang so he excused himself and went out into the lobby.   
"Hello?" he asked.   
"It's Jen."   
"How's Al?" he asked trying to keep all emotion from his voice, he couldn't let her know how much he missed her. Al was the one that needed her and Natalie needed him right now. "Al is doing okay, he starts therapy tomorrow. Cristian...I miss you."   
"I'm sorry Jen, I have to go," he said hanging up, he had enough to deal with without Jen trying to make this harder. 

Natalie felt like she was walking through mists, everything was foggy and hazy, but warm. She thanked God that she wasn't cold anymore. She wanted to wake up but she was tired, tired of fighting when there was nothing to fight for. She realized that her head hurt, it wasn't a piercing pain, it was foggy too, like it lurked at the edge of her mind and she couldn't catch it.   
She tried to remember where she was. There was one clear memory and that was of Seth giving her soup, this was the sickest she had ever been, she couldn't remember ever feeling so horrible. She should go home and see if Roxy would let her in the house, probably not on account that she might throw-up on the furniture. She hated her mother, if only she'd been switched at birth and was heiress to a fortune, then she'd be free of Roxanne Balsom and her trashy life with it. She wondered what pills Seth had given her, she definitely didn't want anymore. She struggled to wake up but her mind and body felt weighed down, If that Seth guy had drugged her like this on purpose when she woke she was going to kill him. 

It had been a day since Cristian had found Natalie and she still hadn't woken up. The doctors said it was normal and she should wake up soon but he wasn't good at waiting. He should have made her stay or driven her home. He walked down the hall to her room and looked in, it was empty of visitors. He walked in and sat next to her. She looked much better, her skin was a little pale but it was a big improvement form the blue she had been. He touched her hand and was relived to feel that she was warm.   
"Natalie, it's Cristian. You've got to wake up."   
No response.   
He sighed and sat back in the chair holding her hand. She looked so vulnerable and he hated that he was helpless, that he could do nothing to make her better. 

She was angry now, why couldn't she move? What had that Seth guy done to her? She remembered being so cold, maybe she had just been thinking about the park bench where she had been going to sleep the other day. Or maybe she was thinking about the time when her 'Mommy Dearest' had let her down for the millionth time. Natalie remembered when she'd been in the third grade play at school. It was the Valentines day play, they'd all dressed up as hearts or cupids and Roxy had promised to be there. Natalie had a small part but she was determined to be the best. That day Roxy had told her she'd be a couple minutes late but nothing could keep her away. So Natalie had had a girl from her class pick her up.   
That night she'd got on stage looking desperately for her mother's fake blonde hair and not seeing her, but she had refused to let her performance waver convinced that Roxy was somewhere in the audience. When the play had ended Natalie waited by the doors waiting and when the last person left she checked the bathrooms convinced she was there but she wasn't. Natalie hid around the side of the building until the teachers had left because she was to embarrassed and ashamed to ask them for a ride. She'd just started walking home, wearing her light angel costume under her raggy winter coat, when it started to rain freezing rain. She'd been so cold then, the cold coursing through her body, giving her goose-bumps and making her teeth chatter. When she'd finally made it home she found Roxy passed out on the couch with a bottle of booze clutched to her chest. Natalie had taken off her costume and thrown it away telling herself that it was a stupid play and she didn't care, even though she did. Roxy had never mentioned it when she woke up and Natalie doubted she even remembered there had been a play. But this cold was different, it hurt and lurked behind each bone in her body, except for her hand, it was really warm. 


	7. Overwhelmed

Cristian held onto her hand, trying to believe everything was going to be okay. He looked up as Seth came in.   
"I just heard, is she going to be okay?"   
A part of Cristian ran to blame anyone but himself, and Seth was conveniently there. "This is all of your fault."   
"What?" asked Seth.   
"Because of you she's lying there."   
"How? What did I do?"   
"You upset her, that's what, you threw her away like she was nothing because she made a few mistakes and she wasn't perfect, because you found someone better."   
"You know what she did to Jessica, she wasn't the person I fell in love with."   
"Oh? If you really ever knew her you would have seen that all she wanted was the love and the acceptance of a family, it wasn't all about the money. She was afraid to get hurt so she pushed everyone away, you should have seen that."   
"It wasn't my fault that we grew apart."   
"Maybe not but you didn't have to flaunt it in her face that she wasn't good enough for you, look at it from her point of view, there's Jessica with the family, the friends, the money, everything Natalie thought she deserved, and you threw that in her face," Cristian said standing up.   
"I don't have to take this," said Seth leaving and slamming the door on his way out. Cristian sighed and sat down. He smoothed Natalie's hair from her brow and she opened her eyes. 

"Natalie...it's okay, you're in the hospital, you're going to be okay, I promise."   
She looked up at him with those big beautiful eyes. "Who are you?"   
"Natalie, it's me, it's Cristian."   
"Cristian? Get away from me...why am I here, I wasn't that sick, I want to go home," she said getting up and immediately dizziness overtook her and she fell back against the bed, holding her head. With the help of this guy who'd she never met she got back into bed and closed her eyes trying to concentrate, he seemed so familiar, like the memory of him lurked just on the edge of her mind and she couldn't grasp it, but why was she here, in a hospital?   
The next few minutes were a blur of people and motion and it made her dizzy, she saw faces that stirred recognition but she couldn't say how or why.   
The doctor came in and he smiled reassuringly. "Hello Natalie, It's Dr. Troy MacIver, do you know where you are?"   
"I-I'm in a hospital-do I know you?"   
"We met a few times, what's the last thing you remember?"   
"I was with this guy Seth something, I had the flu I think, I don't want to stay here, can I leave?" she was starting to get scared, nothing was right, why was she here?   
"I'm afraid we're going to have to keep you for a few more days, you were in a serious accident."   
"I-I was?" she tried to think back, the last thing she remembered was eating the soup and falling back asleep, maybe Seth had taken her home?   
"What year is it?" he asked.   
"1999."   
"Okay Natalie, we need to run some more tests and then we'll see when we can get you released, okay?"   
"Yeah sure, who was that guy that was here before?"   
"Cristian Vega, he's one of your friends," with that he left and Natalie sat there thinking.   
Cristian.....the name sounded so familiar, just like the face, he had looked glad when she woke up so maybe he was her friend but why couldn't she remember him? Maybe the 'accident' had given her brain damage, to bad it hadn't erased her memory of Roxanne Balsom. She sat there alone trying to remember Cristian Vega. 

"It looks like she has amnesia."   
"What? How could this happen?" asked Viki.   
"Well it can happen with trauma to the head, I'm not going to lie to you, she could wake up tomorrow and remember everything or..."   
"Or what?" asked Cristian, he couldn't believe that she had lost her memory, it wasn't fair, she had been through so much already.   
"Or never."   
"So what do we do? Tell her who we are and what's happened the last three years?" asked Viki.   
"That may be a bit much for to handle, just introduce yourselves and tell her that she's been living with you for the last few years, she probably doesn't know about being a Buchanan so we don't want to overwhelm her to quickly." 

Natalie sat there overwhelmed, Ben and Viki Davidson had just left and she was shocked. It was 2002 and she'd been living with them and her mother Roxy was married to a rich guy named Max. They hadn't told her why, not that she'd been able to ask, she'd still been in a whirl finding out that three years had passed without her aware of them, it was truly mind boggling. She was able to somewhat process these strange events when the door opened again and it was her 'friend' Cristian Vega.   
"Hi...Natalie," he said uncomfortably.   
Natalie was determined to get answers so she invited him to sit down.   
"I though they exaggerated on how bad hospital food was, but I was wrong," she said looking towards the tray they had called a 'lunch'.   
"Yeah, it is pretty bad."   
"So how long have when friends?"   
"Not very long."   
"How did we meet?"   
"Through Jessica Buchanan, she's Viki's daughter."   
"Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Davidson seem like nice people."   
"They are, everyone likes them. I'm glad you're awake."   
Natalie stopped as his words made her remember...something. "Natalie! NATALIE! Wake up!   
Thank God you're alive. We have to get you to the hospital. Natalie, can you hear me? Natalie, can you hear me? Natalie, try to wake up please." She remembered being very, very cold.   
"You found me, I was so cold...." she mumbled.   
"Natalie? Do you remember?"   
"Yeah, kind of, I think, you kept telling me to wake up. Tell me about my accident." "Well, you had just left my apartment and you were driving on an icy road, apparently your car spun out of control and it went down an embankment. I found you, you were lying in the snow so I drove you to the hospital."   
"Wow, this is so weird, it's...it's like trying to remember a movie that I saw a long time ago and I can only remember vague parts, like you telling me to wake up and being cold...." she closed her eyes and concentrated, she need to know who she was, and she wanted to remember now. The harder she tried the faster the memories alluded her.   
"I can't remember," she said opening her eyes.   
"It's okay, the doctor said try not to exert yourself, you suffered from a pretty bad concussion," he said reaching out and putting a strand of hair behind her ear. She smiled, besides Seth no one had been this nice to her, at least not that she could remember. She was glad she had one friend, she might not remember anything but his voice but being near him felt familiar and for now....that was enough 


	8. Questions

Natalie sat in her bed at the Davidson house drinking up her surroundings. Everything looked familiar, the house, the people, the furniture, it was like having an episode of Deja Vu, she could see everything as if she'd been here before she just couldn't remember when and it gave her a headache trying to remember. The doctor had told her not to push herself to remember and Natalie simply couldn't accept that. If she was back home with Roxy and her crummy life she wouldn't have cared much about losing her memory, heck, she probably would have wanted to, but here she was in a big mansion with designer clothes and friends and people she wanted to remember. First on her list Cristian Vega. She didn't know what it was that made him get to her, she just knew that he had. When she concentrated on his face she could hear his voice she just couldn't make out the words. Jessica Buchanan had visited her a little while ago. She'd been nice and polite but the weird thing was Natalie couldn't ever see herself being friends with someone like her and to make matters worse people were hiding things from her. No one was telling her the complete truth, there were holes in what they said and it was driving her nuts.   
Natalie looked up as Mrs. Davidson walked in.  
"Hi, Mrs. Davidson."  
"You can call me Viki, I just wanted to see how you were settling in."  
"I'm fine, thank you. I have a favor to ask if you don't mind."  
"Not at all."  
"I was wondering if you could find someone named Seth Anderson. He was the last person I remember and if he can tell me what happened after I got sick maybe I can begin to fill in the blanks." Natalie watched and immediately sensed there was something wrong with her request, why wouldn't someone tell her the truth?  
"I'll do my best, you just get some rest and get better, how does your head feel?"  
"It's better, thanks."  
"Cristian Vega called early and asked if it was okay if he came over to see you. I told him it was, are you up for more company?"  
"Sure." It was odd but it seemed like Cristian could give her answers to all the questions she had, and there were a lot of questions. 

Cristian took a deep breath and prepared to go into Natalie's room. Mrs. Davidson had reminded him not to upset her, but he knew Natalie was probably on a quest to find out the truth and she wouldn't rest until she had what she wanted.  
He walked in and Natalie was furiously pounding the keys on her keyboard.  
She looked up, mumbled a 'hi' and they went back to what she was doing.  
Cristian sat down and watched her, finally she gave up and slammed the laptop shut.  
"What were you doing?"  
"I have a diary on my desktop but I can't remember the password. That could tell me all about my life, everything if I could only guess the stupid password."  
Cristian wasn't about to tell her that it was probably the name Seth, after all he didn't want to upset her. He couldn't imagine not being able to remember Jen and a part of him wanted to giver her what she was looking for but he couldn't.  
"Thank you for coming by to visit me," she said pulling her knees up and resting her chin on them. She needed to remember or she'd go crazy and just maybe Cristian could help her do that.  
"How do you feel?" asked Cristian. She still had a bandage on her head and once again he was reminded that it was his fault.  
"Fine." Natalie decided to ask him questions until something jogged her memory. "So how did we meet?"  
"We met through Jessica."  
"Really? Is she my friend?"  
"Not really, why do you ask?"  
"Because she just doesn't seem like the kind of person I would like. That came out wrong, it's just well it doesn't seem like we would have that much in common."  
"Yeah, you two are pretty different," he said smiling.   
"So do you have a girlfriend?" she asked out of the blue.  
"Yes...no...not really. We're not together right now," said Cris wishing that he had Jen to go home to, but she was with Al and thats the way it would stay until he could walk.  
"But you still love Jen and I know she loves you."  
Cristian looked at her, that was exactly what she had told him the night she had got in the accident. "What did you say?"  
"I said Jen still loves you...how do I know that?"  
"You're starting to remember, you said that to me once."  
"I did?" Natalie's brow creased with concentration as she tried to remember when she had said them but the memory eluded her, she knew it was there, she just couldn't catch it and it was so frustrating that she wanted to scream.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah," she said looking up. "I was just trying to remember something else, maybe you could tell me everything you know about me, that will help me remember."  
"The doctors want you to remember on your own..."  
"I don't care, everyone isn't telling me the truth, I want to know why I'm not in Atlantic city, why I'm not living with Roxy and how I got to Llanveiw, you have to tell me, please!"  
"I can't. I have to go, I'll see you later."  
"Okay," said Natalie sighing as he walked out the door. He knew what this big secret of her past was and he had refused to share it with her. A small part of her felt betrayed, she need to remember everything and there was only one person she could ironically count on for answers and that was her mother, Roxy. 

Cristian stopped in the hallway, it was his fault that she'd lost her memory and he couldn't even tell her everything to make it right again. He hated her frustration and his inability to do anything about it. She had remembered that Jen had been his girlfriend but that was insignificant to everything else she couldn't remember and he knew that he was to blame. 


	9. The Greatest Gift

Natalie checked the address one last time, this was definitely the Holden residence. She still couldn't believe Roxy had married someone again, maybe it was for love this time. Her mother's first husband had been a rich gambler, one loss led to five which led to fifty and soon he'd been broke, he'd been her father, she barely remembered him but she knew that he and Roxy had never loved each other. As much as she despised her mother maybe love had changed her, no matter what issues Natalie had with her she still wanted her mother to be happy, as long as it didn't involve a bottle of booze and a day at the tracks. But as she looked around she concluded it had been for money, after all money was Roxy's motive for everything. Natalie took a deep breath and prepared to knock on the door but a hand on her shoulder made her jump back. She turned around and looked into Cristian's warm brown eyes.   
"What are you doing here? Did you follow me?" she asked slightly annoyed, she could take care of herself, she didn't need a babysitter.  
"Well, I was about to leave when I saw you get into a taxi and I wanted to make sure you were okay, I couldn't let you get hurt again."  
"Again? What do you mean?" she asked looking into his eyes and she could see something in them that she wanted to take away and make better, she just didn't know what was haunting him or why she cared as much as she did, but she cared.  
"It was my fault that you got in an accident, you were upset that night and after we talked I let you go, I knew the roads were icy and you were tired and still upset but I let you go anyway. You'll never know how sorry I am Natalie."  
She looked into his eyes and an understanding came over her. "The funny thing is I think I do know how sorry you are, but you don't have to be. If there is one thing that I know about myself it's that no one can make me do anything that I don't want to do. Whatever happened that night was no one's fault." She put her hand on his cheek. "You have been an amazing friend these last few days and I can't thank you and the Davidsons enough... but I have to find answers about the things I can't remember. I can't live without knowing, it's too hard, that's why I needed to find Roxy, I need someone to tell me who I am."  
"What if I tell you...everything."  
"Will you? Will you really tell me the truth?"  
"Anything you want, I promise."  
"Okay," she took a deep breath, she was finally going to get answers. "Can-can we go somewhere private"  
"I know a place." 

Natalie sat in the front seat as Cristian drove, she had butterflies in her stomach, she was going to find out everything, there would be no more waking up in the middle of the night knowing she had remembered something but not knowing what, there would be no little Deja Vu incidents anymore, like when she bumped a vase of flowers in her room and they crashed to the floor, it was like she could see that she had done it before, or the time when she was walking down the stairs at the Llanfair, she just knew that she had walked down them before, there just weren't any memories attached with the feelings and she hated it, she felt like she was losing her mind, and if she didn't remember soon then she probably would. 

Cristian sat down next to Natalie at the quarry, it was cold but not as cold as it had been a few days ago. Cristian figured that he owed it to her to tell her the truth, to be honest, to help her. If the truth was what she wanted then he was obligated to tell her, he needed to tell her. It was selfish of him to want to lessen his guilt by telling her the truth but he felt that it was the only way he could start to make up for what he had done.  
"So what do you want to know?"  
"Everything, I want to know why I came here and when and what I've been doing these years and e-everything."  
Cristian saw her shiver.  
"Are you alright?"  
"Yeah, the doctor said that I might start to shiver or get really cold, I'm okay."  
"Let's take you home, Dr. MacIver wanted you to rest for the rest of the week, you should be in bed."  
"Just tell me first-,"  
"I'll tell you when you're back in bed where you are suppost be, come on," he said putting a shoulder around her and leading her to his car.  
Natalie got in and was thankful when he turned the heater on, the doctors had said that her temperature would fluctuate for the first few days and she was absolutely freezing.   
She was laying in the snow.   
The memory came quickly and left in a second but she remembered laying there, snow all around her, no way to move. She looked at her hands and saw they were shaking, and it wasn't because she was cold, that was one part of her life she didn't want to remember, she didn't want to remember laying in the freezing cold waiting for Seth to rescue her...  
"Seth?" she whispered under her breath, why would she want him? She clenched her teeth in frustration, every memory led to another question. She absently moved closer to Cristian and he put his arm around her and she felt better, warmer. Out of everyone she trusted him the most, after all, he had saved her live, she would never be able to repay him for that, it was the greatest gift anyone had ever given her. 


	10. Don't Leave Me

Cristian waited out in the hall as Natalie changed her clothes after a few minutes she opened her door and invited him in, wearing a baggy sweatshirt and pajama bottoms with rainbows printed on them.   
"You can come in now," she said walking back to her bed and getting under the covers. As soon as she was healed she was determined to go to Africa or Florida or Hawaii or just anywhere where it never snowed, she'd hated being cold for as long as she could remember and right now laying by the beach, sipping a Pina Collata, and getting a killer tan sounded very appealing.   
"Do you feel better?" asked Cristian sitting down on the chair next to her bed.   
"Well it feels good to be in normal clothes, I have nothing against designer outfits and silk pajamas but it feels good wearing something old and tattered, it kind of makes me feel more like myself."   
Cristian looked at her and smiled trying to organize his thoughts about what he should tell her about who she was, he wanted her to know, he wanted her to feel complete, but he wasn't sure that him telling her would be the best thing to do.   
"Natalie,"   
"Cristian," they both said at once.   
"You go first," Cristian said.   
"I was thinking that maybe you shouldn't tell me about my past, I mean if you tell me and it doesn't bring everything back then I'll be constantly trying to be that person that I'm not. I want to live my life now and if my memory comes back then that's good and if it doesn't then it doesn't, I just want to be Natalie Balsom right now and I'm not sure that you telling me about everything is going to help me be true to myself, am I making any sense?" she said with a small laugh.   
"Yes you are, and I agree, you should be who you are now, not what everyone wants you to be."   
"Exactly."   
Cristian looked at her and saw something in her that before that night he never would have guessed was there, in her eyes there was such a vulnerability, an innocence, that after her hard childhood she still had, until Allison Perkins had come along and destroyed it. He was seeing the real Natalie, the one that he'd witnessed the night of the accident, the sweet, sensitive, beautiful woman that she'd tried to hide, but she wasn't hiding now and he realized how much in these few days that he had come to care about her.   
"Cris?"   
"Yeah? Sorry, what did you say?"   
"I said thank you, for wanting to help me. It meant a lot to me that you were willing to tell me the truth when no one else would."   
"It was the least I could do for you Natalie, I want to help you in any way I can."   
Natalie shivered, "But it still meant a...."   
She tried to move the steering wheel but the tires were sliding on the ice, she couldn't control the car but she tried, it was dark and she screamed as the car seemed to fly off of the road and down the embankment, it was so dark, so she kept screaming. 

"Natalie?" Cristian asked as she suddenly stopped and stared into space. He moved closer to her and all of a sudden she started screaming. 

It was freezing, and she knew she had crashed her car, but she couldn't move and her head hurt and she was all alone, calling for him...calling for Seth. The scene in her mind changed and Natalie started to panic, she was back in that cold place that she had never wanted to remember, that she had worked as a child to convince herself that it hadn't happened, that it was a nightmare. She was laying on her bed, no older that six, and it was freezing, Roxy had forgotten to pay the gas bill again. She tried to get warm but the sheet she used as a blanket didn't hold the heat in so she clumsily folded it, trying to make it warmer. Maybe she should go check on Rex and make sure he was okay, she had to be the big sister, she had to make sure he was warm. She got out of bed and was about to go to Rex's room when the man came into her room, he was Roxy's new boyfriend. She knew by the way that he stumbled into her room that he was drunk. He walked towards her and she tried to get away but he grabbed her and threw her on the bed as she tried to fight him, but she was so small and cold and he was so strong. 

Cristian held her as the scream turned into a whimper and tears ran down her cheeks. He wanted to call someone or get Mr. Davidson but he didn't want to leave her alone, and after a while she stopped crying.   
Natalie held on to Cristian like a life preserver, he kept her anchored to sanity, she refused to remember that night, she would never remember what that man had done to her, she pushed it out of her head repeating silently to herself over and over again that it never happened and finally the memory left. She held on tighter to Cristian, he would protect her and make all of the badness go away. "Don't leave me," she whispered. 

Cristian layed next to Natalie, she was asleep now, he didn't know what had happened, maybe she had remembered everything, but whatever had happened it had taken it's toll on her. She still held onto him, even in her sleep. He stayed awake, holding her, sometimes dozing but never really sleeping, he wanted to be there when she woke up, he didn't want her to be alone with what had happened. She had asked him to stay and that's what he would do, he wasn't going to go anywhere. 


	11. Floating

Natalie woke up to the steady beat of Cristian's heart, it made her feel protected, and it was so nice to hear something so comforting. She knew it wasn't the first time she'd heard it and a part of her hoped it wouldn't be the last. Her ear was against his chest and his chin rested on top of her head. Natalie knew no matter what things she remembered, good or bad, he would never desert her, she could just feel it. She closed her eyes as he started playing with her hair, she snuggled closer to him, and was surprised to hear his heart speed up.  
Cristian continued playing with her beautiful red hair, he'd stayed with her all night, never really sleeping, just in case she needed him. After last night he wasn't sure what she'd remembered or what effect it had had on her. So he wrapped an arm around her, hoping that she was okay.  
"Cristian?" Natalie asked looking up at him.  
"Yes?" he asked smoothing her hair away from her face.  
"Thank you," she said taking his hand and entwining her fingers with his.  
Cristian looked into her eyes. "Are you okay?"  
The way he looked at her chased all of the shadows away, things that she was unable to face. "I remembered the accident, I'd never felt so scared...so alone."  
"You aren't alone anymore you have me and your family loves you, everything is going to be okay, I promise."  
Natalie sat upright . "What do you mean my family?"  
"I-I meant the Davidsons, they think of you as family." Cristian prayed that he hadn't done something that would hurt her.  
"No, that's not what you meant, don't lie to me Cristian."  
He was silent.  
"Have the Davidsons adopted me? Please, I need to know the truth, tell me."  
"They didn't adopt you, Mrs. Davidson, Viki, is your biological mother."  
Natalie got out of bed. "That's not true, Roxy Balsom is my mother, no one else."  
"Natalie--,"  
"No! You're lying!"  
She barely remembered putting on her shoes, running downstairs and grabbing the first pair of car keys she could find, she ran outside and got in and drove away. She ignored Cristian running out of the front door and yelling for her stop, she had to find out the truth. How could she be someone elses daughter? How could she not have known?  
She wasn't a Davidson, she was a Balsom. It was hard, not knowing who she had become over these last few years that she couldn't remember, but she knew who she had been before, there was no question about that. Cristian was wrong, he had to be. Finally she found a place where she might find answers, the Llanveiw public library.  
She knew she looked ridiculous as she walked into the library wearing tennis shoes and pajama bottoms, but that was the last thing on her mind. She found a computer that cataloged newspaper articles. Typing in 'Victoria Davidson' brought her more results than she could count so she typed in 'Natalie Balsom' and got 20 results. She saw the first result and clicked on it. "Buchanan heiress found after 20 years". The article was short but it answered her question, she wasn't a Balsom, she had a family. It said that she'd been kidnapped shortly after birth and her DNA was a match to Victoria Buchanan Davidson. Natalie read the article twice, unable to believe that she had a family now. She sat there for a second talking it all in.Viki and Ben had been so nice to her and now she knew why. Maybe this was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Her life could be the way she had always dreamt of. She had to find out more so she clicked on the second link and her smile fell. 

Atlantic City Vixen Terrorizes Buchanan Family  
Todd Manning  
Natalie Buchanan, formerly Natalie Balsom of Atlantic City, newest member of the Buchanan family, should crawl back into the trash pit she came from.  
Natalie Balsom befriended former Buchanan daughter, Jessica Buchanan, while Natalie's and longtime boyfriend Seth Anderson seduced the Buchanan heiress, all in a twisted plan for revenge. All was revealed this past week. Looney-toon Allison Perkins kidnapped Natalie as a baby, replacing her with baby Jessica. How does matriarch Viki Buchanan Davidson feel about all of this?  
"It is absolutely disgusting, I can't believe anyone could be as heartless and cruel as Natalie. No matter what any DNA results say Jessica will always be my daughter."

Natalie kept reading and it went on to say how she had moved into the Buchanan Mansion, Llainfair, flaunted her relationship with Seth in front of Jessica and demanded her inheritance. Her father, Clint Buchanan couldn't be reached for comment.  
Natalie looked at the picture with the article, and it was her, with a satisfied smirk on her face. She got up and ran to her car, she started the car and just drove. She had nowhere to go, no memory to guide her, she was on her own, just like always.   
Natalie didn't know how she'd got there but she was at an old quarry, the one Cristian had taken her to the night before. She was freezing but she couldn't go back to Llanfair knowing what she had down, how everyone felt about her, she felt more alone than she could ever remember feeling, why had her life turned out so bad, why couldn't she be normal, like every other girl, it was so unfair. She sat down and wrapped her arms around herself, so she and Seth had been together? That was an odd thought, she'd never really had a boyfriend, she wondered how it had felt. The article had said her long time boyfriend, had she loved him? They must have broken up or he would have visited her by now. It didn't really matter if she remembered him or not anymore, nothing mattered. It started to snow and she looked up as it slowly floated around her, it was beautiful, and peaceful. She'd never really noticed how the snow floated as it came down. She closed her eyes, she had no where to go so she leaned back against the rock, maybe it would be better if she just drifted, like a snowflake. 


	12. The Quarry

Cristian was out of his mind with worry. It was all his fault that she had found out the truth and now she was out there by herself. He looked down the street both ways, he had lost her. He pulled over to the side of the road trying to think of where she could be, she didn't know the town or anyone it, she could be lost...or worse. He drove around trying to find her car but it was useless. Finally he got an idea, he turned around and headed toward the library. As he got there it began to snow and he cursed, 'She shouldn't be driving, let alone in the snow,' he muttered to himself as he walked into the library.  
He'd asked around and found out that Natalie had been there twenty minutes ago. He got on the computer the librarian had said she'd been on and he was able to find the articles she'd searched for and opened, what he saw confirmed the worst, she knew the whole truth now, from the twisted point of view of Todd Manning. Cristian went outside and got into his car, the snow was really starting to come down, he had to find Natalie.   
There had to be one place she would go to feel safe or to think. The quarry, he hoped she remembered where it was because it was the only place he knew to look for her, as he started to drive he prayed that she was okay. 

Natalie began to shiver and it felt like the warm tears falling from her eyes were freezing on her cheeks. She had found a family, and from all that she could see they were wonderful people, but what had she done? She'd been selfish and mean, for no reason at all, how could anyone love her now? She closed her eyes and wished she was back home, where she had been unhappy but known her place. How was she supposed to act around these new people who were her real family, she was just meant to be alone. She quietly laughed, there was no way she could become more pathetic than she was now, pathetic little Natalie. She had actually started to feel safe at Llanfair, and with Cristian, but that couldn't have lasted, never good ever did. She began to wonder about Seth, if he had ever been anything good in her life he was gone now, yet more proof that there was no such thing as everlasting good...or love. 

Cristian saw her car and got out. "Natalie?" he yelled looking for her, he could hardly see a foot in front of his face, the snow was coming down so hard. He saw something move over in the corner and he ran to her. "Natalie? What are you doing?" he asked scooping her up in his arms and stumbling back to his car, either she was unconscious or she just didn't want to talk to him. He opened the passenger door and sat her in the front seat, the cold wasn't good for her, especially with the hypothermia she'd had not more than a week ago. He shut the door and got into the driver's seat, he put the key in the ignition but nothing happened. He tried again and there was nothing. He looked over at Natalie who was awake and ignoring him as she looked out of the window.   
Cristian tried again but the car wouldn't start. He turned to Natalie. "Are you okay?" her only answer was a slight nod of her head.   
"Well, we're stuck here until the snow dies down and I can get help," he said reaching in the back seat and getting a blanket. "Are you cold?" he asked and she didn't respond.   
He draped the blanket over her anyway and sat back, he didn't know what to say and she obviously didn't want to talk to him, so he watched the snow as it started to gather on the windshield.   
After a few minutes he heard Natalie crying, he could tell that she was trying not to make any noise but her shoulders shook and he knew. He reached out a hand and touched her shoulder, trying to let her know that he cared but she ignored him.   
"Natalie, what's wrong?" she didn't answer and he was reminded of how she had been before the accident, cold, with a shield built around her to deflect any affection.   
"Talk to me," he whispered.   
She turned and looked at him, he could see she was trying to be strong and act like what she had found out hadn't effected her but he could see that that wasn't the truth.   
He reached over and brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Talk to me," he repeated.   
"Why didn't she want me?"   
"Who? Viki?"   
Natalie nodded.   
"It wasn't like that, you were kidnapped and Jessica was brought back a few months later, she didn't know."   
"How could she not have known that it wasn't me? I've spent my whole life being treated like trash, or thrown away and this nothing new, it doesn't matter anyway," she said wiping her eyes with a swipe of her hand.   
He grabbed her cold hand, "That's not true and you know it, you and Mrs. Davidson may have gotten off on the wrong foot at first but she loves you Natalie, for you."   
Natalie shivered, it was starting to get colder. "Let's try my car, I'm starting to get cold."   
Cristian was glad that her car got them back to the Davidson house safely. Viki was there waiting for them when they got back but Natalie didn't let on that she knew the truth. Natalie saw how Viki treated her, she was acted motherly, something alien to her until now. Natalie smiled when Viki hugged her, maybe everything would turn out okay in the end.   
She and Cristian went back up to her room and they sat on her bed drinking hot chocolate, now that she knew the truth and the initial anger, shock, and fear had dissppated she wanted answers.   
"Tell me about Seth." 


	13. Falling

In his head Cristian tried to think about how he should tell her about the person who had made her so miserable no more than a couple weeks ago.   
"You two were involved," he said simply, hoping she'd leave it at that but knowing that her curiosity wouldn't let her.  
"How involved?" she asked taking a sip of her hot chocolate, she was actually starting to get warm.  
"Well, I know you loved him," said Cristian slowly, it was weird, but he was actually hoping that she wouldn't remember Seth if she got her memory back, he knew it was stupid but he didn't want Seth to cause her any more pain, even if it was only by remembering him.  
"Are we together now? I mean he hasn't come to visit me."  
"He ended it a while ago, you parted ways."  
"Oh," said Natalie a little disappointed, a part of her wanted to have that aspect of the old Natalie's life, a boyfriend who loved her, that would have been wonderful, it was something that she had always secretly wished for when she was younger, an everlasting love that would be with her forever.  
"You said that he ended it, why?"  
Cristian was silent for a moment, he couldn't bring himself to tell her that he broke up with her for Jessica so he lied. "I'm not sure, I think after you found your family you grew apart."  
"Maybe it was for the best then," she said smiling. Since she had found out about her new family it had been a roller coaster of emotions, and now it seemed like there were just so many opportunities ahead of her, all with a loving, happy family.  
"So does Jessica hate me for what I did to her?"  
"What did you do?"  
"I pretended that I was her friend," said Natalie remembering that horrible newspaper article, she had a feeling that all of it was true. "Why don't you ask her?"  
"I don't know, I mean she must hate me, I stole her life away from her and I hurt her ten times more by deceiving her. I'm not sure that I would be able to forgive something like that," said Natalie biting the inside of her lip, did she have the courage to apologize to someone that she really didn't know but had hurt so badly?  
"I've known Jessica for a long time and she's one of the kindest people I know."  
"Then I'll do it. I'll talk to her."  
"I think I'm going to leave, now," he said getting up, it had been a long day.  
She grabbed his hand and smiled up at him, please stay for a little while longer.  
Crisitian smiled, if Natalie would have been like this when she first came to town, he thought, then everyone would have loved her. 

Natalie took a deep breath and walked down the hall. Cristian had left a little while ago, he'd filled her in on general aspects of her life, she would have asked more questions but for right now she just wanted to be able to process everything. She stopped at Jessica's door, took another deep breath and knocked.  
"Come in," said Jessica as she turned off her CD player and closed the book she was reading, she looked up as Natalie walked in, one of the last people that she had expected to see.  
"Do you need something?" asked Jessica politely.  
"No...yes... can I sit down?" asked Natalie nervously, how did you apologize for something you didn't remember doing?  
"Sure," said Jessica moving her books to make room for Natalie.  
"I'm sorry," Natalie said slowly, hoping the apology wouldn't be thrown back in her face.  
"For what?" Jessica asked perplexed, she knew that Natalie wasn't the person she had been a few weeks ago but she still found it hard to believe that she was actually apologizing.  
"For everything I did to you when I first came to town and I can't believe that I was so stupid and selfish, I shouldn't have hurt you the way that I did and I know there's no excuse for it, but I am really really sorry."   
Jessica stopped speechless, this was not the Natalie that she had gotten used to disliking, a part of her wondered if there was some ulterior motive hidden somewhere but she looked into Natalie's eyes and she saw sincerity.  
"Don't worry about it, everything is forgiven," she said with a smile, maybe Natalie wasn't that bad after all.  
"Thank you, Jessica." She gave her an awkward hug and then left.

Natalie undressed and then lay down in bed and it seemed that for the first time everything was going to be okay, she wasn't plagued with doubts and insecurities, fear of the future, she felt good, and it was all because of Cristian. She smiled and then snuggled deeper under the blankets, in a million years she could have never asked for a better friend, he was so kind and caring, and he made her laugh, he made her happy, she fell asleep, thinking about how absolutely amazing he was. 

Cristian sat on the couch as he finished eating his dinner and looked around, it seemed so bare without Jen there, her scent, her clothes on the floor....he frowned, it wasn't like he really missed her but he missed her company. He frowned, when had he stopped loving Jen? Maybe it had ended a long time ago, he had feelings for her, but they were subtle, quiet, not raging passion or deep chemistry. He remembered how it had felt to have Natalie snuggled up to him, it had felt wonderful...he blocked it out of his head, there was no room for he and Natalie, she had to many things going on, and who knew, Seth might try to reclaim the Natalie that he had fallen in love with those years ago, Cristian wasn't about to get involved with that. He sighed and ran his hands over his face, they were friends, nothing more. He got up and got into bed, deep down he knew that wasn't true, he was falling in love with her. 


	14. White Rose

The next day Cristian stood outside of Nataile's bedroom door holding a white rose, it was corny, he knew, but she had been so upset yesterday that when he drove past the flower shop he had to stop, he hadn't been able to help himself, now standing outside of her room, rehearsing his words, he felt like a complete and total idiot. He turned around, determined to throw the rose away and save himself the embarrassement when he heard her voice behind him. It sent a shiver down his spine, he loved her voice. 

Natalie had been on her way downstairs to call Cristian and ask him to come over when she almost bumped into him in the hall. "Cris?"   
She watched as he turned around and her palms instantly got sweaty at the sight of the rose, was it for her? "Hi," she said nervously. Why had it looked like he was leaving? She nervously pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, was he going to say anything?   
"Uhm, this is for you," he said quickly offering her the rose.   
Natalie smiled and Cristian thought that she looked absolutely beautiful when she smiled.   
"It's beautiful," said Natalie taking the rose, and in the process her hand brushed Cristian's. She held her breath, what was wrong with her? They had touched many times, this wasn't any different.   
"Thank you," she said lifting it up and smelling it.   
"I thought you might like it," he said weakly, the white rose brought out the color in her big blue eyes, the red of her lips, her soft, warm, skin.   
"I do, I think I'm going to put it in a vase," she said giving him another smile before going downstairs, some how something between them had changed, and it wasn't unpleasant.   
Cristian leaned against the wall and let out a big breath, some time in the last couple of days his feelings for her had changed and he was just starting to realize how much. Maybe it was because he wanted to protect her, maybe it was something more, whatever it was he liked it.   
She came back with the rose in a small crystal vase and he followed her into her room where she sat it beside her bed on the night-stand.   
"I wanted to make sure you were okay, after yesterday, you know..."   
"I'm doing fine." She sat down on the bed and then motioned for him to sit next to her. "I talked to Jessica yesterday."   
"How did it go?" he asked sitting down, he was too close to her, yet not close enough. He silently reprimanded himself, this was not how he should be thinking, especially with everything that had happened to her recently.   
"It was a little awkward but I think maybe she forgave me. I talked to Viki this morning and I told her everything, I think that she is possibly the nicest woman in the whole world."   
"Believe me she probably is."   
"Have I met your mother yet?"   
"I don't think so, I have a brother too, his name is Antonio, he's a police officer."   
"Oh, I'd like to meet him sometime."   
"I think he'd like you," Cristian couldn't see how anyone couldn't like her, one smile and she'd win anyone over.   
Natalie closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them, just to make sure this wasn't some dream. Here she was with a wonderful mother and as far as she could tell Ben was a nice guy and hopefully her relationship with Jessica had taken a turn for the best and she had Cristian, the greatest guy in the world, someone she couldn't imagine living with out, if it wasn't for him she'd probably still be lying at the bottom of that ravine, dead.   
"You are the greatest," she said leaning over and kissing his cheek, she couldn't help herself, she just wanted him to know how much he meant to her.   
"What was that for?" he asked hoping he wasn't wearing a goofy smile.   
"For being the best friend I could have ever asked for. Let's go somewhere," she said getting up and putting on her shoes.   
"Where do you want to go?" he asked standing up.   
"I don't know but it's been two weeks since the accident and I want to start a new life, I need to be normal, I am so tired of sitting in this bed and resting."   
"Okay, I'll take you wherever you want to go."   
"Let's go then." 

They ended up at the student center at Llanview university, she had said she wanted to see new people and he had ended up telling her about the student center and that's where they were.   
"You don't have to go in if you don't want to, we can go somewhere else," said Cristian looking over at Natalie.   
"It's no big deal, they're just people after all," she paused. "Do I know any of them? I mean I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not remembering."   
"It's been in the newspapers, everyone knows."   
"Well hopefully that'll save us from some awkward conversations."   
She looked over at him and he squeezed her hand, "It'll be okay," he said giving her a smile.   
Natalie smiled back at him, "Okay, let's go," she said getting out of the car.   
The weather had lightened up but Natalie was still cold, she was wearing a heavy sweater and a fur-lined coat. They walked into the student center and Natalie smiled, she had almost forgotten what so many voices sounded like in one place.   
"Do you want anything to drink?" asked Cristian taking off her coat.   
"Yeah, thanks." She watched with a smile as Cristian walked across the room, her eyes wandered around and she saw two empty chairs, she walked over and sat down, at least no one was openly staring at her and the room hadn't gone hush the minute she walked it. She looked around and noticed one person was staring at her, glaring was a more appropriate term. Probably another person she had upset in her 'former' life. She decided to make amends for whatever horrible thing she had done to this blonde haired woman. She got up and walked towards the woman who was absently talking to a guy in a wheelchair, she smiled and tried to look friendly.   
"Hi, I'm Natalie Balsom."   
"I know who you are," said the woman with ice coating her words.   
"Well, I can't say the same, I noticed you looking at me and I was wondering who you were."   
"Natalie, we both know that you're faking, so, why don't you stop playing your little games?"   
"Jen, calm down," said the man next to her, putting his hand on Jen's arm.   
"Natalie, I got your drink," said Cristian from behind her. She turned around and he stopped as he saw Jen and Al sitting together. 


	15. Seth

I started this story on 11-21-01 and I decided it's time I finish it so this story is on the top of my priorities. Expect the last few chapters in the next few weeks. 

"Jen?" asked Natalie, "You're Cristian's girlfriend aren't you?"  
"Ex-girlfriend," Cristian said softly from behind her.  
"Come on Natalie," said Cristian handing her her drink, "Let's go sit back down."  
"Okay," said Natalie as she followed Cristian back to their seat. As she sat down she looked back at Jen, she sure was beautiful.  
"Well, that was awkward," she said looking back at Cristian.  
"Yeah, don't let Jen get to you though, she means well."  
Natalie watched as Cristian glanced over at Jen and she was surprised to realize she was a little jealous.  
"So, Cristian, tell me more about yourself," she said trying to put Jen out of her mind.  
"What do you want to know?"  
"Anything, it's just you seem to know so much about me and I hardly know anything about you, except you're probably one of the nicest guys I've ever met, or can remember meeting anyway, and you are really cute." Natalie couldn't believe she had really said that, she was actually flirting!  
"Thanks, you're not bad looking yourself," he said with a smile, he wanted to tell her how absolutely beautiful she was, but he didn't.  
Natalie could feel color sleeping into her cheeks, why couldn't Cristian feel for her what he felt for Jen?

After Cristian dropped her off, Natalie went into the living room and stopped, standing there kissing Jessica was a guy she had seen before, he had dark hair and dark eyes and it hit her all at once who he was.   
"Seth? Seth Anderson?" she asked hesitantly as he saw her and pulled away from Jessica.  
"Natalie," he said her name with something akin to annoyance.  
"This is awkward," said Natalie fidgeting, "I was wondering if I could talk to you and ask you a few questions?" so this was the famed Seth Anderson, her first real boyfriend, her first love. A part of her wondered if talking to him would bring back her feelings for him, it was obvious he had moved on with Jessica and she didn't resent that, she also wondered if meeting him was the jolt her memory needed.  
"Jess, will you give me and Natalie some time to talk?" asked Seth and as he looked at Natalie she had a feeling this wasn't going to go how she expected it.  
"Of course," Jessica said as she kissed Seth and left, closing the door behind her.  
"Well," said Natalie uncomfortably, "it's nice to meet you again." She walked over to the bar and poured herself a glass of water, the way he was looking at her was resentful, even angry and she occupied herself by watching the ice float around in her glass. After a moment she looked up at him and he was frowning.  
"Natalie, don't play this game with me, whatever angle you're trying to play it's not going to work."  
"Angle? I have no idea what you're talking about." In truth she did know what he was talking about, he thought she was a liar and that this was just another lie, she was disappointed, and a little angry, she wasn't that person she had been and she at least deserved the benefit of the doubt.   
"You're _faking_, this whole amnesia thing is nothing but a ploy to make everyone feel sorry for you."  
"How dare you tell me I'm faking? I can't remember _years_ of my life and I've been through hell these last few weeks and you have the gall to stand there and accuse me of lying, of pretending that I don't know who I really am? You have no idea how it feels to wake up one day and find out horrible things you have done and have no recollection of doing, of having people hate you and not remembering why! I hate it and you accuse me of lying?" This obviously wasn't going to turn into a nice little chat where he told her about her past.  
"I know how you are; you use every situation to your advantage no matter who it hurts or how much you have to lie."  
"Maybe a few weeks ago you would have been right but that is not who I am anymore. I've spent the last few days apologizing and feeling guilty for things I can't even remember doing, things that I can't even see myself doing. I'm tired of being that person who lied so I've decided not to be," she sat the glass down; "I'm leaving now." She turned around and went upstairs to her bedroom. She had just met the man she had supposedly been in love with and she didn't even like him. She didn't know why she was upset, but all of her life she had imagined her first love, someone who would take her away from Roxy, someone who would love her despite all the baggage she came with. It was disappointing that that person had been Seth, if all the memories she had lost were of him she wasn't sure she wanted them back.  
  
That night she sat in bed reading a book and telling herself that as soon as she was done with the chapter she would go to bed, that had been four chapters ago. She'd always enjoyed reading but Roxy had teased her for it so she'd stopped reading for pleasure. Just as she had regretfully closed the book the phone rang.   
"Hello?"  
"Hey, it's Cristian."  
"Hi Cris," said Natalie smiling, she loved his voice.  
"I was thinking about you and I just thought I'd call and say goodnight."  
Natalie's heart sped up, he had been thinking about _her_.  
"I was hoping maybe you'd like to hang out again soon, that is if you don't have anything better to do," she said nervously.  
"There's nothing I'd rather do than spend time with you Natalie."  
Now her heart was pounding loudly. "It's…uh…getting late so I better let you go," she said reluctantly.  
"Goodnight and sweet dreams."  
"Good night Cristian," she said softly and she hung up the phone and with a happy sigh she fell back on her bed.  
Cristian was such a wonderful person, he was sweet and kind and it seemed like he understood just what she was feeling and she didn't even have to tell him, she couldn't imagine that it had ever been that way with Seth. That night she fell asleep wishing Cristian's arms were around her.  
  
As he sat looking out his window into the darkness of Llanview he thought about her. She was beautiful and funny and full of a fiery spirit. He smiled to himself; he had always heard women with red hair were spirited, now he believed it. He wanted so badly to tell her that he loved her, to kiss her and hold her, but she was so fragile right now and the last thing he wanted to do was upset her or give her something else to stress about, and he knew how stressful relationships could be. He couldn't wait to see her tomorrow, one day she would know how he felt, and if he was lucky she would feel the same way. Little did he know how soon that day would come.  



	16. Mothers

The next week was full of warm bright days that Natalie spent with Cristian, almost everyday they saw each other, and everyday they grew closer and he loved her more and more. They had just had dinner together and Natalie was wearing a smile on her face as she entered the living room. Viki was sitting on the sofa reading and Natalie sat down next to her.  
"How was dinner?" Viki asked setting her book down.  
"It was good, we went to this little Mexican place and they had the best enchiladas, it was great."  
"I'm glad, I wanted to remind you that you have a check-up tomorrow, have you been feeling all right?"  
Natalie smiled at this woman who was her mother, it still seemed impossible that she finally had the family she had wished for her whole childhood. "I'm feeling fine; hopefully I'll get a clean bill of health."  
"I'm sure you will, Jessica told me that you talked to Seth last week, how did that go?"  
"Not good, I don't know what I ever saw him, though the last I remember he was a pretty nice guy, but when I talked to him he accused me of faking the whole thing."  
"Don't pay him any mind, we all know the truth and that's all that matters."  
"I can't really blame him, I mean from what I know about this last year I wasn't a very honest person."  
"Well that has all changed and I am very proud to have you as my daughter."  
Natalie felt her cheeks go red, she had never heard those words said to her before.  
"That means a lot to me Viki…mom."   
"It's nothing more than the truth. I've seen the real you these past few weeks and so has everyone else. I've noticed you've been spending quiet a bit of time with Cristian lately."  
"Yeah, he's great, I love spending time with him."  
"It's good to see that you two have become such close friends, he's a wonderful young man. Are you two seeing each other?" she asked casually.  
Natalie felt her face go red again, "What gave you that idea?" she said trying to hold back a smile.  
"Nothing I was just wondering," Viki said with a smile.  
Natalie returned it; it was wonderful to have a real mother.  
  
Later that evening Natalie got in her car and drove to Max Holden's, she wanted to see Roxy. When she pulled into the driveway she began to get nervous but she pushed it away, Roxy probably wasn't even home, not if there was a bar in the ten mile radius. She knocked on the door and it was answered by a handsome middle-aged man. "Hello," he said with an easy smile.  
"Hi, I was wondering if Roxy was here."  
"Yes, she is, hold on. Roxy, you have a visitor!" he yelled into the house and Natalie smiled, she liked this man, maybe Roxy had gotten something right after all of these years.  
He turned back to her, "Have fun, she's a bit drunk."  
Max led Natalie in just as Roxy came down the stairs looking as Roxy-ish as ever.   
"Natalie! What are you doing here, girl?" she asked with a smile.  
"I wanted to talk to you," Natalie said, the last memory she had of this woman was her yelling for her to get out of her house.  
"Oh, well I meant to go to the hospital and visit you but I was real busy. I heard you had anemia, how's that going for you?" she asked pouring herself a drink.  
"I have amnesia, Roxy."  
"Same difference, so how are you kid?"  
"I'm fine. Considering I was lied to my entire life. Why didn't you tell me you weren't my real mother?"  
"Uh…I guess it slipped my mind."  
"It slipped your mind? I went through eighteen years of hell because it slipped your mind?!"  
she asked outraged.  
"Now listen here, I was a good mom to you, I did my best."  
Natalie laughed, "Your best? You passed out drunk every night, you forgot my birthdays, forgot to get me Christmas presents, you forgot school events, I had to get myself ready for school when I was five, you forgot I was alive half the time, and you say you did your best? You let your boyfriend molest me!" Natalie clamped a hand over her mouth a second to late, she hadn't ever meant to say that…ever, saying it made it real and she didn't want it to be real. She ran out of the house and jumped in her car, her hands shook as she fumbled with her keys, finally she got the car started and she drove away to a place where she could be alone, the quarry. She climbed over the rocks and sat down. She had blocked out what had happened to her, but with the accident and everything afterwards her defenses had weakened and she remembered. She hated the feeling of being helpless and she had never been more helpless than back then. She buried her face in her hands and cried, just when she thought her life was good something bad happened and destroyed everything. A little while later she heard someone behind her and knew who it was, who it had to be.  
"How do you always know how to find me?" she asked wiping her face as he sat down beside her.  
"It wasn't that hard, Roxy called your mom and told her that you were upset and Mrs. Davidson called me. I know this is where you like to go to think."  
"Wow, I can't believe Roxy took the time to care."  
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"  
"Not now…could…could you just hold me…please?"  
Cristian wrapped his arms around her and held her as she started to cry.  
After awhile she told him what had happened and she was surprised that it was so easy to open up to him. He listened to her, holding her tightly in his arms. When she had finished telling him everything he kissed her on the forehead and wiped away her tears, he was so gentle and caring, that in that moment she realized how much he must care for her…and how much she cared about him.  
"Let's get you home," he said taking her hand.   



	17. Happy Endings

As Cristian followed her home to make sure she got there all right, he thought about what an amazing person she was. He was surprised at how much strength she had, to have survived such a life, a life that had left scars that still hadn't healed. He didn't think he had ever admired anyone as much as he admired her. She had so much courage and he'd never met anyone like her before, she was stubborn, strong, beautiful and he loved that about her…he loved everything about her. Over these last weeks he had nearly forgotten about Jen because when he was with Natalie it was like nothing else existed, Jen had never made him feel like that. He hoped that Natalie felt the same way about him, he thought that she did, when she looked at him and smiled it was like a whole conversation took place, he had never felt a connection like that with anyone and it scared him a little bit, he'd been truly happy these last few weeks and their friendship meant more to him than any thing else, because above all they were friends.   
Finally they got to Llanfair and Cristian got out of his car and walked her to the door.  
"Will you stay awhile?" Natalie asked, she ached to reach out and touch him but she didn't, she had never felt this way, or remembered feeling this way, it was like everything was finally clear after so many weeks of being filled with fog and clouds, she felt complete…she was happy, really happy.  
"Sure," he said smiling; he didn't want her to be alone.  
"Thanks," she said, not wanting to be alone.  
They walked up to her room and Natalie plopped down on her bed and Cristian sat beside her.   
"What a day," she said with a sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair.  
"I think you should talk to someone about what happened to you, Rae Cummings is a friend of mine and a therapist and I think she could help you deal with everything," he said. Cristian knew that she had taken big steps by admitting what had happened to her but he also knew that it was still going to have an effect on her and he wanted to make sure she had help dealing with it.  
"I talked to you didn't I?" she snapped, but when she saw the look on his face she regretted her harsh tone. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you, I promise I'll think about it."  
"That's all I'm asking," he said reaching over and touching her hand.  
Natalie looked at him and smiled, "I don't know what I'd do without you."  
"You'll never have to find out," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, it was then that he realized how close his face was to hers. For a moment they just looked at each other and slowly they moved closer and their lips met.  
Cristian hesitantly pulled away but Natalie pulled him closer and kissed him again. Cristian couldn't help himself, he was intoxicated by her. He buried his hands in her masses of red hair and returned the kiss.   
Natalie couldn't believe she was really kissing him; it was something she had wanted to do for so long. She lay back, pulling him on top of her. He pulled away breathing heavily, his mouth inches away from hers. "We should stop," he said touching her face.  
She leaned up, kissed him again and reluctantly pulled away. "You're right."  
Cristian looked down at her and he had never loved her more, her eyes were bright and her cheeks were rosy, and he lips were so beautiful that he wanted nothing more than to kiss them all night long. "You're so beautiful," he whispered looking into her eyes.  
"So are you," she said breathlessly and he smiled.  
"Natalie?" he loved the way her name felt on his lips, he loved her so much that it was scary and he knew that he could never love anyone the way he loved her.  
"Yes?" she asked looking into his eyes, searching for what he was going to say, she found the answer and it scared and thrilled her at the same time.  
"I lo—." He was interrupted before he could finish.  
"Natalie—oh, excuse me—."   
Cristian moved aside and saw Viki standing in the doorway.  
"No, it's okay," said Natalie getting up and trying to make herself look presentable. "Is everything all right?"  
"I was hoping you could tell me, Roxy called earlier and said you had left her place upset. Are you all right?"  
"Everything is fine, Roxy just…well, you know how she is."  
"Yes, I do. Hello Cristian," Viki said with a sly smile.  
"Hello Mrs. Davidson," he said sheepishly.  
"Well, I'm going to go back downstairs and leave you two to whatever it was you were doing," Viki said patting Natalie's arm and leaving.  
Natalie shut the door and turned around and looked at Cristian. He smiled at her and she sat back down on the bed a foot away from him.  
"Well," she said, unsure of what to say, the magic of the former moment was broken and she desperately wanted it back, to feel his arms around her, his lips on hers.  
"Natalie, I think I should go," said Cristian getting up.  
Natalie grabbed his hand, "I want you to stay."  
Cristian looked into her eyes and felt such a wave of love for her that for a moment he couldn't speak.   
"I just don't want to be alone tonight."  
"I'll stay," he said knowing that he could deny her nothing.  
Natalie turned off the lights and they climbed under the covers and Cristian wrapped his arms around her and she laid her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. For the first time in her whole life she felt like she was home. Her future seemed bright and without the shadows of the past hanging over her. She knew she had a long way to go before she could even start to overcome her past but she had Cristian and he could help her through anything and she loved him.  
"Cristian?" she whispered into the darkness.  
"Mmhmm?" he asked sleepily.  
"What were you going to say earlier?" she asked in a whisper.  
"I was going to tell you that I love you."  
Natalie's heart filled with hope and happiness, he really _loved_ her, a part of her had known for awhile but to hear him say it made her feel complete. When her life had been filled with darkness he had been her shining light, he had helped her pick up the broken pieces of her life and put them back together, he had saved her life in so many ways, more than he would ever know.  
"I love you too," she whispered. His love had been her salvation and as she fell asleep, safe in his arms, listening to the steady beat of his heart she knew that she was home.

The End 


End file.
